So Happy I Could Cry
by Cherry8914
Summary: Based on Happy by Saving Jane...Leigh comes back to England after being away in America for two years. She finds out Remus Lupin is in engaged to Prue Snape and although she knows she must be happy for them, she can't help but to be upset. She loved him


'Happy'

By Cherry8914

Discalimer: Based on the song 'Happy' by Saving Jane. It is mostly about my orginal character Leigh Bledsoe who was/is best friends with the Marauders. Fera Lupin, Remus's twin sister, belongs to my bestest sister (she's not really by sister but we're close like that!) Amy, and Prue Snape, Severus Snape's younger sister, belongs to my goodest (cause that's my word) friend Anya. Thanks a bunch you two for letting me used them! Although I know they're not in it a whole lot, thanks for letting me use them anyways. I DO NOT own any of the Marauders, they all belong to JK Rowling.

Summary: Not much to tell...Leigh comes back to England after being away in America for two years. She finds out Remus Lupin is in engaged to Prue Snape and although she knows she must be happy for them, she can't help but to be upset. She had loved Remus when they were at school, and never really got over him.

It should have been a time to celebrate for everyone, and not just most. Although the Dark Lord Voldemort was rising, people found ways to keep the mood lightened, smiles on their faces, and laughter in the air. That perticular day an friend of the Marauder's was back, after moving...or more like running...away to the United States of America. Leigh Bledsoe, a young woman around twenty, had finally came back after leaving England, her home, at age eighteen. She knew that comming back was the best, but she also knew that things had changed. What she didn't want to know, was how much things really had changed. The first familar face she saw, was that of Remus Lupin's twin sister, Fera. The young woman met Leigh, pulling her into a tight embrace and telling her how happy she was to have her back.

The girls went back to the flat Fera owned, normally with Remus, but recently with Sirius. This confussed Leigh, exspecially when her friend said Remus had moved out. Why would he have moved out? She wanted to know more, about what she had missed. Fera quickly caught her up on what the others were doing now that school was out. James Potter was an Auror, this came to no surprise to Leigh, as was Sirius Black, once again Leigh was not surprised, Lily Evans, now Lily Potter, worked at the Ministry of Magic, while Fera herself was a Editorial columnist for the Daily Prophet. When Leigh asked about Remus, Fera became quiet. How could she tell one of her best friends, that Remus was getting married? Everyone had known that Leigh and Remus were love during school, but neither one had acted on their feelings. She knew that it would devestate her friend. Finally she broke the news as gently as she could...

_Filling up my empty days with red wine  
Wonder what you think of me?  
Lying in the grass alone and wasted  
Nothing's how it used to be_

That night Leigh laid in the soft grass in the small backyard of the flat. Her dark eyes stared up at the night sky, sprinkled with sparkles that were stars twinkling without a care in the world. Night was her favorite time of the day, though she often wondered why people said it was their favorite time of day when it wasn't day at all, it was night. Then she would find herself thinking, 'well, what else could they call it?' She laid there on one of Fera's older quilt blankets underneath her. One arm was behind her neck, while the other laid beside her, her fingers wrapped lightly around a glass. The liquid inside the glass was a dark red, and it wasn't a fruit drink. A half empty bottle of wine floated along a few inches above the grass. The bottle had been new when she had bought it at the store.

The others were out celebrating the engagment of Remus and Prue, but Leigh had begged Fera not to tell anyone she was back yet. She would tell them when she was ready. Fera had understood, knowing that Leigh must have been shattered and had agreed without a real argument. That had surprised Leigh, she knew that her friend could put up a good arguemnt when she wanted to. Fera had left about two hours ago, and that had been when Leigh had pulled out the wine and went into the backyard. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts...though by now they were starting to get all jumbled together.

She laid there thinking about how life had been before she had left. Before a time when the threate of a Dark Lord was rising to power. Before a time when you had to carry your wand with you every where you went. Before a time when you had to choose your friends wisely. Nothing was how it used to be. As a shooting star went by, she closed her eyes and wished that things were how they had once been. Of course she knew it would not come true, none of her wishes ever came true. If they had, she would be the one Remus was showing off to everyone that night...not this Prue woman.

_I wanna be the first to call and tell you  
Yesterday I heard the news  
I hear you oughtta be congratulated  
So I guess that's what I'll do_

Fera had told her that their engagment was not a public anouncement yet, it would be in the Daily Prophet in a couple of days. At the moment, only close friends and family knew. Leigh wanted to be the first to tell Remus congradulations, because that was what someone was supose to do after hearing the 'wonderful' news. Wasn't it? Even if they didn't mean it? When someone was getting married, everyone was supose to congradulate them. Not cry about it. But at that moment, tears began welling in her eyes and before she knew it, tear drops were falling down her cheeks.

This wasn't how it was supose to be. Comming back home was supose to be exciting and full of happiness. Not heartbreaking and full of sadness. It felt as though someone had taken her heart, shattered it, then stomped on the pieces before giving it back to her...without putting them back together. Whenever someone has their heart broken, it feels like the end of the world. Even if others say that it'll pass in time, it never really passes. Every heartache you ever feel stays with you until the end of time. How can you forget the feeling?

Turning onto her side, she wrapped an arm around her stomach, curling her knees up towards her chest. Soon the gentle flow of tears turned into heart-wrenched sobs. How could this be happening? It was her fault. If only she wouldn't have left. If only she had told Remus about her feelings when they were still in school. Maybe things would have turned out in a happy ending for everyone. But you can't rely on 'what if's' and 'maybe's' to get you through life. Things happen for a reason. Perhaps they were just not meant to be. Perhaps this Prue woman had something that she, Leigh, did not have. For 'perhaps' was not 'maybe' or 'what if'.

_I'm so happy for you  
I could cry  
Yeah, I'm so elated  
Cross my heart and hope to die  
I don't think about you every night  
Before I close my eyes  
I'm so happy for you baby,  
I could cry._

Finally Leigh picked herself up off the ground as the wind began blowing a little harder, making the ground chilly. Wipping her eyes with the back of her hand, she grabbed the almost empty bottle of wine and her empty glass, before standing up. Leaning down she picked up the quilt and made her way back inside, knowing that they would be back soon. Fera had told her that Remus and Prue were stopping by for a moment, just to warn her ahead of time. So putting the quilt back and the bottle of wine away, Leigh changed into her pajamas and curled up on the couch.

She was happy for Remus, she really was. How could she not be? Prue most have made him happy if he had proposed to her. And if he was happy, Leigh had no choice but to be happy for him. Her eyes drifted over to the edge of the couch were a maroon blanket was folded up. Remembering the blanket she had gotten Remus for graduation, she leaned over and picked it up. Unfolding it, the tears began falling once again...it was the blanket she had given him. Spreading it out over her, she brought one end up to her face as she laid down. The sobbing returned as she closed her eyes. It would be a lie to say that she didn't think about him before the end of every night. Exspecially that night.

When the front door opened, Leigh had finally cried herself to sleep and did not hear it. Fera whispered for her brother and Prue to lower their voices. Curious as to why his sister was asking such a thing, Remus's amber eyes gazed around the room. Seeing a lump on the couch, he walked closer, leaning his sister and fiance by the door. Fera watched with sad eyes as Remus went to stand infront of the couch. There laid Leigh, tear stains on the blanket and on her cheeks. Remus's eyes widdened, "Leigh." He whispered, dropping down to his knees.

Prue raised an eyebrow, she knew who Leigh was, all the Marauders had talked about their lost friend. "When did she get back?" She finally asked, looking away from Remus.

Fera's eyes stayed on her friend and brother as she answered, "Late last night."

Remus glanced up, "Why didn't you tell us?" It was almost as if he were acusing her, but Fera wasn't hurt by that thought.

"She didn't want you to know until tomorrow. I was only doing as she asked, brother."

Remus nodded and stood back up, putting the blanket closer around Leigh before walking over to Prue, his eyes were distant. Prue wrapped her arms around him, thinking he was only like this because he had not seen her in a while. She never thought that he could have been in love with her before she left. No one had told her that part, only that the two had been best friends.

_Listen to the sound of my head pounding  
Wish that it was make-believe  
Praying for the skies to open up and  
Wash away your memory_

As the sunlight shown through the curtains, it landed on Leigh's face, making her nose wrinkle as she slowly opened her eyes. Seeing that it was late morning she began sitting up, lifting a hand up to her head with a groan. She probably shouldn't have drank almost the entire bottle of wine by herself. Standing up slowly she made her way into the kitchen, where she found Sirius and Fera sitting. Neither said anything as Leigh sat down, her head in her hands. Knowing that look, Sirius stood up and went over to one of the cabniets.

There he pulled out a small vile and handed it to her, once he was back at the table. "Headache hang over cure." He told her with a smile, "We've got a few of them around here."

"Of course," Fera said with a roll of her eyes, "With you and James going out all the time, we need to stay highly stocked."

As the mini argument continued Leigh drank the potion quickly, making a small face at the disusting taste. Part of her had hoped that she would wake up, and everything would be a dream, a bad one at that. But looking around she knew that it hadn't been. Why couldn't it have been? Standing back up she excused herself, wanting to go out to clear her head. Neither of the other two objected and told her to be back in time for lunch. After promising she would be, Leigh went into the other room and dressed in some clothes fit for jogging.

Once outside she looked up at the dark sky, wishing that it would rain. Perhaps the rain would wash away all these sad thoughts. Perhaps the rain would wash away his memory. Because, once again, perhaps wasn't 'maybe' or 'what if'. But she knew that nothing could heal her broken heart at the moment. It would start to heal with time, but until then nothing could be done.

_I can walk around with a pretty face on  
Even when I'm black and blue  
What's the point in telling everybody  
I'm not over you._

_I'm so happy for you  
I could cry  
Yeah, I'm so elated  
Cross my heart and hope to die  
I don't think about you every night  
Before I close my eyes  
I'm so happy for you baby,  
I could _

She came back with just enough time to shower and change into a nice outfit consiting of green skirt and a pink top. She used magic to dry and style her hair before grabbing her purse and rushing out the door to ride with Sirius and Fera to the restraunt where everyone was having lunch. She could do this, she could be strong for a couple of hours. Stepping out of the car, she forced a large smile on her lips, though she had to admit it was not completely forced. After all she was seeing people she had missed so much these last couple of years. After the hugs were all over with, she walked arm in arm with Lily as they entered the restraunt. There at the table, sat Remus and another woman Leigh knew had to be Prue.

As much as she hated to admit it, she had to admit, the woman was lovely and had that happy glow around her. Making sure the smile was still on her face, Leigh shook Prue's hand as James introduced them. Over lunch they laughed about old times and what had been happeing since Leigh had left. She was amazed to find out Lily and James had a son now, who she could not wait to see. James was glad to see that Leigh fit in easily, he knew that she would have been worried about fitting back into the group with someone else already taking her place. Though no one could really take her place. She was hard to replace.

Lily's green eyes watched her friend, the woman who she had known since before Hogwarts. She could see the sadness in her eyes, but nothing was said. Not even Sirius, who normally joked around about Leigh and Remus, made a comment. There would be no point in lying to everyone and saying that everything was fine, that she was over Remus. Leigh was never one to lie, so she was glad when no one brought it up.

_Cry about the love we used to have  
Cry that I won't ever get you back_

_Filling up my empty days with red wine  
Wonder what you think of me?_

Lunch passed by rather quickly, though slower than she would have liked. As the others continued talking about later plans as their empty plates were taken away, Leigh was quiet,thinking about the past few days. She had cried more than she thought was possible. She had cried about how she and Remus had used to be, the strange friendship they had formed at the begining of school. She had cried, knowing she was never going to get that same strange friendship back, let alone more. He was with Prue now. There was a happiness in his eyes that told her he wouldn't leave Prue for anything in the world.

What did he think of her? Had he even thought about her over the past couple of years? What was he thinking now? These were the kinds of questions running through her head. Bringing her glass up to her lips, she sipped at the wine for a moment, her eyes looking across the table at Remus. Feeling her eyes on him, he turned to look at her. Lifting his own glass, he tipped it towards her with a small smile. She knew that smile. It was the smile that was only meant for her. Did Prue have her own smile from him? Leigh was glad to see that he didn't use her smile with Prue, though she knew she was being selfish.

"I missed you." Those words shocked Leigh out of her thoughts. She smiled, "I missed you too." He nodded and looked back at Prue as something was said to him.

Perhaps they would be alright and slowly start their friendship back. Leigh would not get inbetween him and his new life. But she hoped there was a small place for her there; in everyone's new life.

_I'm so happy for you  
I could cry  
Yeah, I'm so elated  
Cross my heart and hope to die  
I'm so happy for you  
So, so happy for you  
I don't think about you every night  
Before I close my eyes  
I'm so happy for you baby,  
I could cry._

As the day wore own, Leigh went back to Fera and Sirius's flat alone. Prue had invited her to spend the day shopping with her and the other girls, but she had politely declined. How could she spend the entire day with the woman who was living her life? Once again, it was a selfish thought, but Leigh wasn't entirely sure she cared at that moment in time. So she went back to the flat, changed into a pair of comfortable pants and a sweater before laying down on the couch again. Once again the tears began falling, and her shoulders shook with her sobs.

She was happy, she would tell Remus that tomorrow, or even later that night. With another sob, she knew it would have to be tomorrow. She would spend the rest of the day mopping around, but starting tomorrow she would be alright. Perhaps not alright, but she would be better. She would not do anything about it now, he was happy. Slowly she would start to heal, even if everynow and again she would cry...


End file.
